Two reasons your boyfriend will never be your everything

Let’s face it ladies, we can put a lot of pressure on a guy to be our everything. And hey, songs like “Be your Everything” by Boys Like Girls have even suggested that guys across the nation agree and would like to be our everything, too.

I’ll be your shelter
I’ll be your storm
I’ll make you shiver
I’ll keep you warm
Whatever weather
Baby I’m yours
Be your forever, be your fling
Baby I will be your everything
– “Be Your Everything” by Boys Like Girls

Time out, “I’ll be your forever, be your fling”??? Yes, nothing says, “I’ll be your everything” like a generous offer for a temporary fling… if that’s what your looking for because, you know, he just wants what you want.

While I’m all in favor of setting the bar high for the guys in our lives, sometimes we ladies set the bar so high that no guy can reach it. Expecting someone to be your all in all is one of those times where we can get a little ridiculous in our enthusiasm for bar raising. With a bar that high finding peace and satisfaction in a relationship is impossible. So if you want to instantly increase your chances of a satisfying relationship, don’t expect your man to be your everything in at least the following two ways.

1. Your Best Female Friend

Asking a guy to understand you just like your female friends understand you is like asking a fashionista to shop at only the same stores as the Duck Dynasty guys. She’s a fashionista, so she can probably pull it off, but if you let her hit up her favorite spots, she’ll do much better. In a similar way, your man doesn’t always hit the nail on the head when you’re trying to relate with him because the way you relate is not always the way he relates. In most situations he’s not doing this because he’s a jerk who doesn’t want to understand you, or a lazy bum who just doesn’t care, it’s because, try as he may, he can’t truly, fully understand you as a woman. (P.S. If he really is a jerk and a lazy bum, you should dump him.)

I know, I know, scientists and psychologists banter about nurture vs. nature when it comes to gender differences and they’ll go on doing so, but raising both a daughter and a son has made it pretty clear to me that there are true, un-nurtured differences between the genders. In general, my daughter needs more opportunities to sit with me and tell me about her day and what she is thinking, while my son needs more opportunities to climb on stuff and build things. We didn’t force these habits on them; it’s just what they do.

However, I’m willing to put my own personal experiences aside and say that there is one significant difference between men and women that I believe no one should try to argue with and this difference makes it really difficult for men to fully understand women. Simply put, guys don’t get a period. Try as they may, men will never fully understand the need for fat pants, the logic of crying for no real reason, the healing power of chocolate, and why sometimes going to the store at dark thirty for Tylenol is necessary.

So ladies, gather your besties and keep them close. Having solid female friends around for when you need an estrogen fest is good for you and your dating relationship. It allows your guy to be a guy and compliment your life experiences, not imitate them like your girl friends can.

2. Your Personal Lord and Savior

Over and over again I’ve seen relationships end in disappointment when the initial high wears off and one member of the party realizes that the other is human. They realize that the object of their affection makes mistakes, isn’t as positive as they thought they were, and isn’t actually the secret to life. This disillusionment happens to some extent whether you go into a relationship realizing that you will idealize this person or not, but it’s a lot easier to handle if you know in advance that no human can fully satisfy the deepest longings of your heart.

“Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee,” said St. Augustine, and he couldn’t be more right. God is what and who we are ultimately seeking when we search for something to fill the emptiness, fear, and longing in our hearts. If anyone is going to be your everything, and do it well, it’s Jesus. But how often do we as women expect men to  take on this role? To be the one to affirm us that we are worthy of being loved, to convince us of our true beauty, to cast out all fear of loneliness, abandonment, or use. Only one who loves perfectly can do this, and there is only one who can love perfectly.

Have high expectations, please. If you are called to marriage, find a strong man in your life who can reflect the love of our savior and draw strength from that love, but remember he is not your savior. We all have limitations and the apple of your eye is no exception. This seemingly simple attitude change will free both of you to be who you were made to be and gives Jesus a chance to be your everything, which is all He’s ever wanted from you anyway.

Be saints, it’s worth it!

Lisa Cotter
Lisa Cotter is a Catholic speaker and author on the topics of relationships, femininity, and living life with excellence. Since 2007 she and her husband, Kevin, have served FOCUS (the Fellowship of Catholic University Students) as a family and together they are the co-authors of Dating Detox and co-hosts of the How-to Catholic Podcast. She is the founder of Made to Magnify, an apostolate that’s mission is to help people fight to be saints - because it’s worth it.

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