There are tons of patron saints. You name it, the Church probably has a saint for it. In honor of All Saints Day, let’s honor all the saints — even if they’re patrons of really absurd things. You never know when you might need them!
(Note: This post is just for fun, and is not intended to ridicule either saints or those they intercede for!)
1. St. Isidore – The Internet
St. John Paul II appointed him to that — because, let’s be honest, the Internet is a scary place.
2. St. Drogo – Unattractive people
Looks aren’t all that matters. Plus, he could bilocate!
3. St. Polycarp of Smyrna – Dysentery
Polycarp is so unique (both his name and patronage) that we still have a letter from him from the year 140 A.D.
4. St. Cornelius – Twitching
He was beheaded with an ax. So…
5. St. Valentine – Greeting card manufacturers
6. St. Adrian of Nicodemia – Arms dealers
He used to persecute Christians, but then he converted.
7. St. Clotilde – Disappointing children
As royalty, Clotilde’s children fought endlessly and divided the kingdom.
8. St. Eligius – Gas station workers
He was the patron of all metalsmithing and horses…but then cars came, so, yeah.
9. St. Hubert of Liege – Against rabies
He’s associated with hunting.
10. St. Friard – Against fear of wasps
A swarm of wasps went after his tormenters. Don’t mess.
11. St. Magnus – Against caterpillars
They’re not as pretty as butterflies, that’s for sure.
12. St. Barbara – Anything that goes BOOM
Fireworks, artillery, lightning, etc. Her father forced her to marry, but she refused; so, he beheaded her. Soon after, he was struck by lightning and killed.
13. St. Germain Cousin – Girls from rural areas
Because they’re special!
14. St. Patrick – Against abnormal fear of snakes
A fear of snakes is pretty normal, though.
15. St. Columbanus – Motorcyclists
He probably rode a Harley.
16. St. Drausnius – Invincible people
I’d like to meet someone invincible…
17. St. Benedict of Nursia – Spelunkers
We need patron saints of cool words like that.
18. St. Theodore of Sykeon – Against rain and for rain
Classic case of the Catholic “both/and.”
19. St. Malo – Pig keepers
Does that also make him the patron of bacon?
20. St. Bibiana – Hangovers
Her name comes from the Latin word that means “to drink.” Moderation, folks.
21. St. Vitus – Oversleeping
Every college kid should pray to this saint.
22. St. Arnold – Beer
In tradition, some thirsty people prayed to him to give them what they lacked — and a pot of beer appeared.
23. St. Genesius – Clowns, movies, actors, plumbers, torture victims
24. St. Fiacre – Taxi drivers and gardeners
And the grand-prize winner for patron saint of randomest things goes to…
25. St. Catherine of Alexandria – Unmarried girls, apologists, potters, spinners, archivists, dying people, educators, girls, jurists, knife sharpeners, lawyers, librarians, libraries, maidens, mechanics, millers, hat-makers, nurses, philosophers, preachers, scholars, schoolchildren, scribes, secretaries, spinsters, stenographers, students, tanners, theologians, University of Paris, haberdashers, wheelwrights, Philippines and Greece
What have you done with your life lately?
So who’s your patron saint? We’d love to know!