25 Patron Saints of Really Random Things

There are tons of patron saints. You name it, the Church probably has a saint for it. In honor of All Saints Day, let’s honor all the saints — even if they’re patrons of really absurd things. You never know when you might need them!

(Note: This post is just for fun, and is not intended to ridicule either saints or those they intercede for!)

1. St. Isidore – The Internet

St. John Paul II appointed him to that — because, let’s be honest, the Internet is a scary place.

2. St. Drogo – Unattractive people

Looks aren’t all that matters. Plus, he could bilocate!

3. St. Polycarp of Smyrna – Dysentery

Polycarp is so unique (both his name and patronage) that we still have a letter from him from the year 140 A.D.

4. St. Cornelius – Twitching

He was beheaded with an ax. So…

5. St. Valentine – Greeting card manufacturers

Obviously.

6. St. Adrian of Nicodemia – Arms dealers

He used to persecute Christians, but then he converted.

7. St. Clotilde – Disappointing children

As royalty, Clotilde’s children fought endlessly and divided the kingdom.

8. St. Eligius – Gas station workers

He was the patron of all metalsmithing and horses…but then cars came, so, yeah.

9. St. Hubert of Liege – Against rabies

He’s associated with hunting.

10. St. Friard – Against fear of wasps

A swarm of wasps went after his tormenters. Don’t mess.

11. St. Magnus – Against caterpillars

They’re not as pretty as butterflies, that’s for sure.

12. St. Barbara – Anything that goes BOOM

Fireworks, artillery, lightning, etc. Her father forced her to marry, but she refused; so, he beheaded her. Soon after, he was struck by lightning and killed.

13. St. Germain Cousin – Girls from rural areas

Because they’re special!

14. St. Patrick – Against abnormal fear of snakes

A fear of snakes is pretty normal, though.

15. St. Columbanus – Motorcyclists

He probably rode a Harley.

16. St. Drausnius – Invincible people

I’d like to meet someone invincible…

17. St. Benedict of Nursia – Spelunkers

We need patron saints of cool words like that.

18. St. Theodore of Sykeon – Against rain and for rain

Classic case of the Catholic “both/and.”

19. St. Malo – Pig keepers

Does that also make him the patron of bacon?

20. St. Bibiana – Hangovers

Her name comes from the Latin word that means “to drink.” Moderation, folks.

21. St. Vitus – Oversleeping

Every college kid should pray to this saint.

22. St. Arnold – Beer

In tradition, some thirsty people prayed to him to give them what they lacked — and a pot of beer appeared.

23. St. Genesius – Clowns, movies, actors, plumbers, torture victims

Yikes.

24. St. Fiacre – Taxi drivers and gardeners

Interesting combo.

And the grand-prize winner for patron saint of randomest things goes to…

25. St. Catherine of Alexandria – Unmarried girls, apologists, potters, spinners, archivists, dying people, educators, girls, jurists, knife sharpeners, lawyers, librarians, libraries, maidens, mechanics, millers, hat-makers, nurses, philosophers, preachers, scholars, schoolchildren, scribes, secretaries, spinsters, stenographers, students, tanners, theologians, University of Paris, haberdashers, wheelwrights, Philippines and Greece

What have you done with your life lately?

So who’s your patron saint? We’d love to know!

Therese Bussen
Therese lives in glorious Denver, Colorado and grew up in the high desert area of Southern California (and knows what the Israelites felt like waiting in the desert to get to the Promised Land). She graduated from Benedictine College with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Art. When she's not hanging out with friends, Therese enjoys reading, writing, painting, drawing, designing (basically any kind of art), and dancing awkwardly on purpose. She also loves surprising people with her love of shotgun shooting and cigars. Also, a glass of wine is her favorite thing.

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