There are tons of patron saints. You name it, the Church probably has a saint for it. In honor of All Saints Day, let’s honor all the saints — even if they’re patrons of really absurd things. You never know when you might need them!

(Note: This post is just for fun, and is not intended to ridicule either saints or those they intercede for!)

1. St. Isidore – The Internet

St. John Paul II appointed him to that — because, let’s be honest, the Internet is a scary place.

2. St. Drogo – Unattractive people

Looks aren’t all that matters. Plus, he could bilocate!

3. St. Polycarp of Smyrna – Dysentery

Polycarp is so unique (both his name and patronage) that we still have a letter from him from the year 140 A.D.

4. St. Cornelius – Twitching

He was beheaded with an ax. So…

5. St. Valentine – Greeting card manufacturers

Obviously.

6. St. Adrian of Nicodemia – Arms dealers

He used to persecute Christians, but then he converted.

7. St. Clotilde – Disappointing children

As royalty, Clotilde’s children fought endlessly and divided the kingdom.

8. St. Eligius – Gas station workers

He was the patron of all metalsmithing and horses…but then cars came, so, yeah.

9. St. Hubert of Liege – Against rabies

He’s associated with hunting.

10. St. Friard – Against fear of wasps

A swarm of wasps went after his tormenters. Don’t mess.

11. St. Magnus – Against caterpillars

They’re not as pretty as butterflies, that’s for sure.

12. St. Barbara – Anything that goes BOOM

Fireworks, artillery, lightning, etc. Her father forced her to marry, but she refused; so, he beheaded her. Soon after, he was struck by lightning and killed.

13. St. Germain Cousin – Girls from rural areas

Because they’re special!

14. St. Patrick – Against abnormal fear of snakes

A fear of snakes is pretty normal, though.

15. St. Columbanus – Motorcyclists

He probably rode a Harley.

16. St. Drausnius – Invincible people

I’d like to meet someone invincible…

17. St. Benedict of Nursia – Spelunkers

We need patron saints of cool words like that.

18. St. Theodore of Sykeon – Against rain and for rain

Classic case of the Catholic “both/and.”

19. St. Malo – Pig keepers

Does that also make him the patron of bacon?

20. St. Bibiana – Hangovers

Her name comes from the Latin word that means “to drink.” Moderation, folks.

21. St. Vitus – Oversleeping

Every college kid should pray to this saint.

22. St. Arnold – Beer

In tradition, some thirsty people prayed to him to give them what they lacked — and a pot of beer appeared.

23. St. Genesius – Clowns, movies, actors, plumbers, torture victims

Yikes.

24. St. Fiacre – Taxi drivers and gardeners

Interesting combo.

And the grand-prize winner for patron saint of randomest things goes to…

25. St. Catherine of Alexandria – Unmarried girls, apologists, potters, spinners, archivists, dying people, educators, girls, jurists, knife sharpeners, lawyers, librarians, libraries, maidens, mechanics, millers, hat-makers, nurses, philosophers, preachers, scholars, schoolchildren, scribes, secretaries, spinsters, stenographers, students, tanners, theologians, University of Paris, haberdashers, wheelwrights, Philippines and Greece

What have you done with your life lately?

So who’s your patron saint? We’d love to know!